Finding alaska
by a-book-lover
Summary: What would happen if Pudge decided to follow Alaska out of the room? What if Alaska survived? Would she be able to have a relationship with Pudge? Alaska is a very complicated person, and Pudge doesnt know as much of her as he thinks.


The room was messy and the beds were filled with clothes and was very little light coming in. Posters on the wall, startled doors and white floors. The curtains were open giving a sight to the white tulips in the window.

We were settled in a circle. Vodka and cigarrettes in the middle. The colonel had a big-red t shirt and looked too drunk for the little that he had taken. Takumi was quiet. His asian eyes following my and alaska's movements carefully.

And then there we were', lying in my part of the circle making out. The floor was cold but our bodies heated the movement. I had her. Alaska Young. Alaska. My Alaska. She was with me, i had her in my arms. I belonged to her and she belonged to me. Her lips on mine, her toungue wandering around and her hands on my hair. I had my hands on her waist and was trying to follow her rythm. I wasnt much of a good kisser at that time,but in thet moment i was feeling like a winner. Her body moved together with mine and our hands wandered arounf the other's body carefully but firecely. I could feel Takumi's and the Colonel's eyes staring, buti couldnt care less. I was with Alaska, the person i cared for, the person i admired, the person i loved. So there we were, making out when she moved away a little with a smile "my hair..." She said as she sat down and moved her hair back. Then, she looked at something behind me, probably the window, and then leaned to me again, this time, the smile was gone. She got near and i was ready to continue when i saw the tears that were invading her eyes.

"whats wrong?" I asked, sitting down a little so that my face was almost touching hers.

" to be continued?" She said, stuttering slightly.

And then she stood up, leavimg me lying in the floor, so confused and so worried at the same time.

"Wht's wrong?" I asked, as i saw the tears in her face multiplying and her legs trembling as she moved around the room.

"I have to go", she said, without answering my question. "quickly". She stabered to the door. She was obviously nervous. Alaska young, her legs trembling and heart pounding quickly. I looked at her worried, without knowing what to do, there were tears in her eyes. She looked so different, so not-confident, so weak. I had never seen her like that, so nervous, so broken, so not-her. On that cold night, in the school's campus, I saw Alaska Young fall apart.

One minute before we had been making out, she was smiling and relaxed. But she had stopped it with tears in her beautiful eyes. I just laid there as she stood up and started looking for her car keys. She was obviously drunk, but still wanted to drive somewhere. Her movements were short and clumsy. As seconds went by she moved quicker and shorter. She was throwing things around and movimg everything in the room while the three of us stared confused. She went near the colonel's desk and moved some papers thet were on top. Underneath them layed ther car keys. She took them desperately and turned around franatically.

"I have to go", she repeated as she moved to the door with the keys on her hand. "I have to go". I could see her worse and worse, more tears in her eyes as she walked with long steps and short breaths. The colonel looked at me and then pointed slightly at the door with his head. I stared athim confused and he repeated the movement. I suddenly realised what I had to do. I stood up and got near Alaska, my heart pounding as quickly as possible.

"I'll go with you. It's not safe for you to drive like this", I said trying to sound calmed. I tried to takeher hand, but she moved away getting near the door.

"No", she just said "I'm going on my own". And then she wiped the tears in her cheeks and moved her hand to find the door knob.

I held her from the other arm and dragged her near me again. Then i grabbed both her hands and looked into her big eyes."You cant go in this state. It's dangerous, something could happen to you", I tried to explain "I'll go with you".

Then she turned around and looked at me seriously "No you're not. I'm going on my own and you're staying here. You dont have to protect me from anything, you're not my boyfriend!"

She moved away from me And then she turned and went through the old door. I wanted to follow her, I really did, but I didn't know if it was the right thing to do.

"What are you waiting for?", Asked the colonel as he stood up and opened the door for me. I looked at him in surprise. Then I grabbed my keys and went through the door.


End file.
